The evidence

Every study behind our exercises, and what each study cannot prove

134 of our 200 exercises are based on 56 published papers. This page lists every paper. For each one you can read what the study found, what it cannot prove, and which exercises use it. You can read all of it for free, and you do not need an account.

The number you should see first

66 of our 200 exercises are based on our own judgement, because no study has tested them. Each of those exercises says so on its card, and you can read that before you pay anything.

Nobody has tested most of the things that work in a conversation. That is true for every course on this subject, including ours. Some courses mix their opinions in with the research, so you cannot tell one from the other. We count ours separately, so you can see which exercises have a study behind them.

110

Research

A real study. We tell you what it found, how many people were in it, and what it can't prove.

Clinical practice

A standard method that therapists use for fear. This is not therapy. It uses the same tools for everyday shyness.

From history

A true story from history. Interesting, but a story is not proof.

Our opinion

Our own opinion. We think it works. We can't prove it, so we say so instead of pretending.

What the studies cannot prove

We use 25 papers more than twice. For 25 of them, every exercise card that names the paper also says what the study cannot prove. A study can be limited by how many people took part, by how it was run, or by the kind of people it studied. An automatic check stops us from publishing the site if a paper is used three times and its limits are missing.

Popular advice that did not hold up when it was tested

6 findings

Books and courses on charm often quote these studies with confidence. Other researchers later repeated them, and the results were weaker or different. We still use some of these studies, and each time we tell you what went wrong when the study was repeated.

Disputed

The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness

Aronson, Willerman & Floyd (1966)

People quote the pratfall effect as if a clumsy mistake makes anyone more likeable. In the original study, the mistake helped a person who was already very capable, and it harmed an average person. The experiment was small and all the participants were men. Later studies that repeated it got mixed results.

Disputed

“Playing Hard to Get”: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon

Walster, Walster, Piliavin & Schmidt (1973)

Many people believe that playing hard to get makes you more attractive. The authors of this paper ran five experiments and found no effect. Their sixth experiment found an effect, but only for one specific version of the idea. The popular claim is much wider than the result.

Disputed

A Multi-Lab Test of the Facial Feedback Hypothesis; Registered Replication Report: Strack, Martin & Stepper (1988)

Coles et al., Many Smiles Collaboration (2022); Wagenmakers et al. (2016)

Popular charm advice often says that if you put on a smile, your mood will follow. In 2016, 17 labs repeated the classic experiment, in which people held a pen in their mouth, and they did not get the same result. In 2022, a study across 26 labs found only small effects. The effect was weakest in the pen task.

Disputed

Political Extremism Is Supported by an Illusion of Understanding

Fernbach, Rogers, Fox & Sloman (2013)

The first study reported that asking people to explain step by step how a policy works made their position less extreme. A later study by one of the original authors (Sloman & Vives, 2022) found the effect was smaller and less consistent than the first paper suggested.

Corrects a popular claim

Is Political Extremism Supported by an Illusion of Understanding?

Sloman & Vives (2022)

One of the authors of the 2013 paper tested the idea again. The idea was that asking people to explain how a policy works makes their political views less extreme. We show this paper next to the 2013 paper, and we do not use it to replace the 2013 paper.

Corrects a popular claim

The Elusive Backfire Effect: Mass Attitudes' Steadfast Factual Adherence

Wood & Porter (2019)

This study corrects a popular claim. The claim is the backfire effect: the idea that correcting someone makes their belief stronger. Across thirty thousand participants, the effect was hard to find. People mostly moved towards the facts.

Every paper, starting with the ones we use most

56 papers

The papers at the top are used in the most exercises. If one of them turned out to be wrong, we would have to change the most.

Clinical practice

A Cognitive Model of Social Phobia

Clark & Wells (1995)

Used in 21 places

Every study behind our exercises, and what each study cannot prove

Popular advice that did not hold up when it was tested

The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness

“Playing Hard to Get”: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon

A Multi-Lab Test of the Facial Feedback Hypothesis; Registered Replication Report: Strack, Martin & Stepper (1988)

Political Extremism Is Supported by an Illusion of Understanding

Is Political Extremism Supported by an Illusion of Understanding?

The Elusive Backfire Effect: Mass Attitudes' Steadfast Factual Adherence

Every paper, starting with the ones we use most

A Cognitive Model of Social Phobia

It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking

Beautiful Mess Effect: Self–Other Differences in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability

If You Need Help, Just Ask: Underestimating Compliance With Direct Requests for Help

Maximizing Exposure Therapy: An Inhibitory Learning Approach

Duration Neglect in Retrospective Evaluations of Affective Episodes; When More Pain Is Preferred to Less

Post-Event Processing in Social Anxiety

The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment

The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?

Perceived Partner Responsiveness as an Organizing Construct in the Study of Intimacy and Closeness

Mistakenly Seeking Solitude

Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation

The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness

Couples' Shared Participation in Novel and Arousing Activities and Experienced Relationship Quality

The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness

Pupil Dilation as an Index of Preferred Mutual Gaze Duration

Daily Marital Interactions and Positive Affect During Marital Conflict Among Newlywed Couples

Just Teasing: A Conceptual Analysis and Empirical Review

(Mis)Understanding Our Influence Over Others: A Review of the Underestimated-Compliance Effect

Perspective Mistaking: Accurately Understanding the Mind of Another Requires Getting Perspective, Not Taking Perspective

Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation

The Humanizing Voice: Speech Reveals, and Text Conceals, a More Thoughtful Mind in the Midst of Disagreement

Disclosing Information About the Self Is Intrinsically Rewarding

Fast Response Times Signal Social Connection in Conversation

Conversational Receptiveness: Improving Engagement with Opposing Views

Becoming Friends by Chance

Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement

A Little Thanks Goes a Long Way: Explaining Why Gratitude Expressions Motivate Prosocial Behavior

How Many Hours Does It Take to Make a Friend?

Egocentrism Over E-Mail: Can We Communicate as Well as We Think?

Self-Focused Attention and Safety Behaviours Maintain Social Anxiety in Adolescents: An Experimental Study

The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think

Why Social Anxiety Persists: An Experimental Investigation of the Role of Safety Behaviours as a Maintaining Factor

Anxiety and Working Memory Capacity: A Meta-Analysis and Narrative Review

Social Interactions and Well-Being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties

The Illusion of Transparency and the Alleviation of Speech Anxiety

The Sound of Intellect: Speech Reveals a Thoughtful Mind, Increasing a Job Candidate's Appeal

“Playing Hard to Get”: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon

Durably Reducing Transphobia: A Field Experiment on Door-to-Door Canvassing

History of My Life

A Multi-Lab Test of the Facial Feedback Hypothesis; Registered Replication Report: Strack, Martin & Stepper (1988)

Political Extremism Is Supported by an Illusion of Understanding

Online Pauses and Silence: Chronemic Expectancy Violations in Written Computer-Mediated Communication

Anticipation and the Valuation of Delayed Consumption

The Psychology of Curiosity: A Review and Reinterpretation

Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-Being Is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations

The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices

Exposure Effects in the Classroom: The Development of Affinity Among Students

Familiarity Does Indeed Promote Attraction in Live Interaction

Talking to Strangers: A Week-Long Intervention Reduces Psychological Barriers to Social Connection

Is Efficiency Overrated? Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect

Is Political Extremism Supported by an Illusion of Understanding?

Alcohol Myopia: Its Prized and Dangerous Effects

Deconstructing the “Reign of Error”: Interpersonal Warmth Explains the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Anticipated Acceptance

The Elusive Backfire Effect: Mass Attitudes' Steadfast Factual Adherence

Attitudinal Effects of Mere Exposure; Exposure and Affect: Overview and Meta-Analysis of Research, 1968–1987