Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation
Kumar & Epley (2018) · Psychological Science, 29(9)
Relied on in 2 places across the academy · 1 stated limit
What it found
People who wrote letters of gratitude overestimated how awkward the recipient would feel, and underestimated both how surprised and how positive they would be.
Expressers of gratitude significantly overestimated how awkward recipients would feel and underestimated how positive and surprised they would feel.
What it does not show
Experiments on written expressions of gratitude between people who already know each other. It measures how badly the expresser predicts the recipient's reaction, not whether the gratitude changes the relationship afterwards.
And where we carry it further
Gratitude between people who knew each other, not a message ending something. The mechanism we borrow is the overestimate of awkwardness; the warmth of the reception does not transfer.
Where we rely on it
2 places in the academy. If this paper turned out to be wrong, this is the list that would have to change. Some of the instructions below are part of Gold; none of the findings are.
In the curriculum · 1
In the films · 1
Cited alongside it
Papers that sit under the same topics and films. Not a claim that they agree with each other — only that the same exercises lean on both.
The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness
Aron, Melinat, Aron, Vallone & Bator (1997)The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness
Aronson, Willerman & Floyd (1966)The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?
Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom & Clark (2018)Beautiful Mess Effect: Self–Other Differences in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability
Bruk, Scholl & Bless (2018)If You Need Help, Just Ask: Underestimating Compliance With Direct Requests for Help
Flynn & Lake (2008)It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking
Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson & Gino (2017)Research
A real study. We tell you what it found, how many people were in it, and what it can't prove.
Free to read, link to and quote. If we have carried this paper further than it goes, say so at contact@suaviq.com — corrections to this registry are the most useful mail we get.