Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation
Kumar & Epley (2018) · Psychological Science, 29(9)
We use this paper in 3 places in the academy · 2 stated limits
What the study found
People who wrote letters of thanks overestimated how awkward the other person would feel. They underestimated how surprised and how pleased the person would be.
People who expressed gratitude greatly overestimated how awkward the other person would feel, and underestimated how good and how surprised they would feel.
What the study cannot prove
The experiments used written thanks between people who already knew each other. They measure how badly the writer predicts the other person's reaction. They do not measure whether the thanks changes the relationship afterwards.
Limits we note on the exercises
The study was about thanks between people who knew each other, not a message that ends something. We borrow only the finding that people overestimate awkwardness. The warm reaction does not apply here.
The letters went to people the writers already knew well. We are applying the finding to newer friends and to acquaintances, and that is our own step.
Where we use it
We use this paper in 3 places in the academy. If the paper turned out to be wrong, we would have to change everything in this list. Some of the exercise instructions below are part of Gold. You can read every finding for free.
In the topics · 2
In the videos · 1
Other papers used in the same places
These papers are used in the same topics and videos as this one. That does not mean the papers agree with each other. It only means that the same exercises use both.
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Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom & Clark (2018)If You Need Help, Just Ask: Underestimating Compliance With Direct Requests for Help
Flynn & Lake (2008)The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness
Aronson, Willerman & Floyd (1966)Becoming Friends by Chance
Back, Schmukle & Egloff (2008)Beautiful Mess Effect: Self–Other Differences in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability
Bruk, Scholl & Bless (2018)Research
A real study. We tell you what it found, how many people were in it, and what it can't prove.
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