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Research

The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think?

Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom & Clark (2018) · Psychological Science, 29(11)

Relied on in 6 places across the academy · 2 stated limits

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What it found

Across five studies people underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them — the liking gap. The number you assign in the moment is not a measurement.

After conversations between strangers, people consistently underestimated how much their partner liked them and enjoyed their company — the liking gap — and in a study of new acquaintances it persisted for months.

Across five studies, after conversations with a new acquaintance people consistently underestimated how much the other person liked them and enjoyed their company — the liking gap — and in one sample of new dormmates it lasted for several months.

After conversations, people consistently underestimated how much the other person had liked them, and among first-year students getting to know dorm mates the gap lasted several months.

1 more phrasings of the same finding

Across strangers in the lab, dorm-mates over months, and workshop participants, people underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company.

What it does not show

Conversations between strangers and new acquaintances, largely with student samples. It establishes that people underestimate how much they were liked. It does not establish that correcting for the error changes how the next conversation goes.

And where we carry it further

Strangers and new acquaintances, largely students. It shows the estimate is low; it does not show that saying the sentence changes the answer.

Measured after live conversations, not after months of silence. It licenses one honest message; it does not say the silence was not an answer. Sometimes it was, which is what the delete is for.

Where we rely on it

6 places in the academy. If this paper turned out to be wrong, this is the list that would have to change. Some of the instructions below are part of Gold; none of the findings are.

Cited alongside it

Papers that sit under the same topics and films. Not a claim that they agree with each other — only that the same exercises lean on both.

Research

A real study. We tell you what it found, how many people were in it, and what it can't prove.

Free to read, link to and quote. If we have carried this paper further than it goes, say so at contact@suaviq.com — corrections to this registry are the most useful mail we get.