Guides
Plain answers about talking, texting, dating and making friends
Each guide answers one question with what the research says, then gives you exercises to practice with real people. Reading will not change how you act around people. Doing it will.
How do you start a conversation with a stranger?
Talk about something you can both see, ask one real question, and promise yourself one more sentence. What the research says, and ten exercises.
How do you keep a conversation going?
Ask a second question on the same subject, use the words they use, and let a pause sit for three seconds. What the research says, and nine exercises.
What do you do when your mind goes blank in a conversation?
Why your head empties mid-conversation, two things to say when it does, and ten exercises that move your attention back to the other person.
How do you make friends as an adult?
Friendship takes many hours together, and as an adult you have to arrange them. What the research on adult friendship says, and ten exercises to start.
How do you talk to people at a party when you know nobody?
Arrive early, start with the person standing alone, join groups with a question and leave out loud. What the research says, and nine exercises.
How do you start talking to someone you see every week?
The person at your café, gym or office: go from nodding to talking, one small step per visit, without making the place awkward. Ten exercises.
How do you text someone you like?
Write the full sentence, give them something to reply to, and name a day when you ask to meet. What the research on tone in writing says, and ten exercises.
What should you do when someone doesn't text back?
What a slow reply means, when to send one more message, how to tell a busy week from a no, and when to stop. Nine exercises for the wait.
What are the best first date tips?
Where to go, how much to drink, what to ask, how to end it and what to send the next morning. First date tips with ten exercises, easiest first.
How do you tease someone playfully without hurting them?
What to tease people about, what to leave alone, and when to stop. What the research on teasing says, and nine exercises to practice playfulness.
Does playing hard to get work?
What the research on playing hard to get found, why texting games backfire, and honest ways to pace things instead. With nine exercises.
How do you get out of the friend zone?
How to find out honestly whether a friendship could be more: what to say, how to ask, and what to do if they say no. Ten exercises.
How do you get over rejection?
Stop replaying it, name the thought behind the hurt, and try again within a day. What the research on rejection and replaying says, and ten exercises.
How do you reject someone nicely?
How to say no in one clear sentence, leave a conversation first and end a relationship kindly. What the research says, and nine exercises.
How do you disagree with someone without starting an argument?
Say you see it differently, ask before you assume and end without a grudge. What the research says about disagreeing well, and nine exercises.
How do you keep a relationship strong?
Notice your partner, ask one more question, try new things together and repair fast after a fight. What the research says, and ten exercises.
How do you sound more confident when you speak?
Breathe before you start, slow the first sentence, pause instead of saying um, and stop when you finish. Ten voice exercises, with honest notes on the evidence.
How can I be more charismatic?
Charisma is a set of behaviors you can practice. What Marilyn Monroe did on purpose, what it cost her, and ten exercises to try this week.
How can I be more charming?
Ask follow-up questions, be useful, enjoy things openly and leave on time. What research and Casanova's memoirs show, with ten exercises.
What still works in How to Win Friends and Influence People?
What still works in Dale Carnegie's 1936 book, what later research disagrees with, and where it turns into flattery. Plus nine exercises to try.