François Boucher, 1756 · Alte Pinakothek · public domain
1745–64 · Versailles
Madame de Pompadour
She brought a world with her
Louis XV had noticed her at the royal hunts. He made his interest public at a masked ball in February 1745, and she moved into Versailles within months. The physical affair ended around 1750. She remained his closest companion and unofficial adviser until she died in 1764. She held the attention of a king who was often low in spirits with theatre, cards, hunting and better conversation than his court could offer. She supported the Sèvres porcelain works, the Petit Trianon and the first volumes of Diderot’s Encyclopédie.
Source · Château de Versailles; Louis XV, quoted 1764
Principle 07 · our reading
Have a life to share. Do not be a prize.
Taught in Topic 06 · The Long Devotion
Why we teach it
Doing new things together keeps a long relationship alive. Relaxing together does not do the same. Researchers call this the self-expansion effect. Couples who do new things together report more desire than couples who simply spend time together.
The exercise
Bring one thing of your own into the relationship: a place, a subject or a plan that they would not have found without you.
The warning
Her position also depended on court politics and money, and the court hated her for it. If you build a whole world for someone who never enters it, you are serving them, not attracting them. Watch whether they actually come.
Who Pompadour was, and why we chose her
1721 – 1764
She was born Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, the daughter of a Paris financier, with no family claim to a place at the French court. She met Louis XV in 1745, moved into Versailles within months, and was made Marquise de Pompadour the same year. The physical relationship ended around 1750. She remained his closest companion and unofficial adviser for another fourteen years. She ordered new buildings, supported Voltaire and the Encyclopédie, and shaped the taste of the court until she died in 1764.
Why we chose them · our reading
She kept the attention of a famously bored king for nineteen years, and only five of those years involved sleeping with him. Desire did not hold the other fourteen. We chose her to show that being interesting lasts longer than being wanted.
Pompadour’s principle is practiced in Topic 06, The Long Devotion: a 1:18 video and 10 real-life exercises.
The other masters
- Ovid — The first book anyone wrote about this
- Cleopatra VII — She made him come to her
- Ninon de l’Enclos — She ended things warmly, on purpose
- Giacomo Casanova — What his memoirs really show
- Lord Byron — Why being unavailable is not a strategy
- Gabriele d’Annunzio — Proof that attention matters more than looks
- Grigori Rasputin — His enemies invented most of his legend
- Marilyn Monroe — She could switch it on
- Joséphine Baker — Being playful worked better than being polished