Gabriele d’Annunzio

Proof that attention matters more than looks

He was 1.64 m tall, bald in his twenties, and narrow in the shoulders. People of his time described a vain, short man. He also had a long list of lovers, among them Eleonora Duse, the most famous actress in Europe, who was four years older than he was. His tool was language, and his method was preparation. He learned a woman's favorite authors so that he could quote them to her, and he studied her habits in advance so that he seemed to understand her from the first meeting.

Source · Lucy Hughes-Hallett, Poet, Seducer, and Preacher of War; Britannica

Principle 10 · our reading

Attention matters more than looks

Taught in Topic 02 · Conversation Craft

Why we teach it

Researchers call it perceived responsiveness: the feeling that someone understands you and values you. It is one of the strongest predictors of attraction during a conversation, stronger than physical attractiveness. It is the most encouraging finding in this field.

The exercise

Before your next date, find out one thing they really love, and go and read it, watch it or listen to it. Arrive with a question about it, not a compliment.

The warning

This is where the method turns harmful. While the affair was still going on, he published their private life as the novel Il fuoco (1900) for his own profit. Later he shaped the style that Italian fascism copied. Preparing in order to understand someone is attention. The same preparation done in order to control them is a trick. The only difference is your intention, and you will know which one you are doing.

Who d’Annunzio was, and why we chose him

1863 – 1938

He was an Italian poet, novelist and playwright who became one of the most famous writers in Europe, and then one of its strangest political figures. He had a long and public affair with Eleonora Duse, the most famous actress of the time, and he wrote his best plays during it. Sources place its end between 1904 and 1910. In 1919 he took the city of Fiume with a private army and ruled it for fifteen months. Wikipedia states history's judgment plainly: he is "credited with partially inventing Italian fascism", and he has been called "the John the Baptist of Italian fascism" because Mussolini copied his rituals.

Why we chose them · our reading

He is the strongest evidence we have that attention matters more than looks. He was short and balding, and people of his time found him ordinary to look at. He was still the most pursued man in Italy. He is also where the method turns harmful: he published his lover's private life as a novel while the affair was still going on. Preparing in order to understand someone is attention. The same preparation done in order to control them is a trick.

d’Annunzio’s principle is practiced in Topic 02, Conversation Craft: a 2:22 video and 10 real-life exercises.

Gabriele d’Annunzio

The other masters