Topic 13
FreeHow You Sound
People form an impression from your voice before you finish a sentence. When you speak nervously, people mostly hear the nerves and not the content. These ten exercises are physical. They change what your voice does, not what you think. This topic also has the least evidence of any in the course, and each exercise says so. Most research on voice is about persuasion and hiring, not about being liked in a conversation.
This topic
10 exercises
Next: Take the breath first
The main idea
Speaking slowly is not a style. It is how a person sounds when they expect to be listened to.
Evidence in this topic
2 Research2 Clinical practice6 Our opinionTake the breath first
DifficultyBefore you speak in a group, take one breath low in your body. Then start.
Why this helps: Anxious speech starts without enough air. That is what makes it fast, high and thin. The fix comes before the voice.
Clinical practiceClark & Wells (1995)Read the study ▾Hide ▴
In the standard model of social anxiety, physical symptoms and watching yourself make each other worse. Your attention turns to how you are coming across, and that makes you come across worse.
Limits of the study: This is a theory, not an experiment. It summarises what clinicians saw, and it has shaped the treatment of social anxiety ever since. The paper does not test each part of the theory separately. It was written about diagnosed social phobia, and we apply it to ordinary shyness.
Land the ends of your sentences
DifficultyEnd your sentences with your voice going down, not up. Say one out loud now, both ways, and hear the difference.
Why this helps: When your voice rises at the end, it sounds as if you are asking permission to have spoken. Most people do it most when they say their own name.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view. Research on intonation exists, but we found nothing clear enough to cite for this instruction, and we prefer to say so.
Pause instead of filling
DifficultyWhen you are about to say “um”, close your mouth for that moment.
Why this helps: A pause sounds like thinking. An “um” sounds like a fear of being interrupted, and nobody interrupts you.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view. It is a technique from people who speak for a living.
But do not let the pause become a gap
DifficultyPause inside your own sentences. Do not pause between the other person's turn and yours.
Why this helps: These two pauses have opposite effects. A pause in the middle of a sentence sounds calm. A gap before you answer sounds distant.
ResearchTempleton, Chang, Reynolds, Cone LeBeaumont & Wheatley (2022)Read the study ▾Hide ▴
In conversations between strangers and between friends, shorter gaps between turns went with feeling more connected. People listening from outside could hear the difference too.
Limits of the study: The study used spoken conversations between friends and between strangers. It measured the gaps between turns in fractions of a second, and asked about connection straight afterwards. It says nothing about written messages, or about any pause long enough to notice.
For this exercise: The effect is measured in milliseconds between turns, not in whether you take a second to think. It shows that a long gap has a cost. It does not tell you to hurry.
Say it aloud rather than writing it
DifficultyWhen you have something thoughtful to say to someone, say it out loud. Do not write it.
Why this helps: Your voice carries your thinking. The same words on a page lose it.
ResearchSchroeder & Epley (2015)Read the study ▾Hide ▴
Some evaluators heard a job candidate give a short pitch, and others read the same words. Those who heard it rated the candidate as more intelligent, more thoughtful and more likeable, and were more interested in hiring them.
For this exercise: These were job pitches judged by recruiters and by untrained people. We are borrowing the explanation: a voice shows that there is a mind behind the words.
Match the volume, not the energy
DifficultySpeak at the same volume as the people around you. Do not try to match someone else's energy.
Why this helps: A difference in volume makes a conversation feel like hard work. A difference in energy is just two different people, and that is fine.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view.
Slow the first sentence
DifficultySay the first sentence of a conversation at about three-quarters of your normal speed.
Why this helps: The first sentence sets the pace for the whole conversation, and nerves make it the fastest sentence you say all evening.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view. We know of no clear finding on speaking speed and being liked in conversation. The findings that exist are about persuasion, and they disagree with each other.
Record yourself once
DifficultyRecord yourself talking for two minutes about something you like. Listen once and notice one thing. Do not listen again this week.
Why this helps: Listening once gives you information. Listening five times is watching yourself too closely, and this course exists to reduce that.
Clinical practiceRachman, Grüter-Andrew & Shafran (2000)Read the study ▾Hide ▴
Replaying a social event in detail afterwards kept the anxiety going and did not resolve it. It also predicted a more negative view of oneself.
Limits of the study: People reported on themselves after real social events, and they were chosen for social anxiety. The study shows that the replaying happens and goes with distress. It does not show that stopping the replaying removes the distress.
For this exercise: The research studied people replaying real social events, not deliberate practice. The limit of one listen is ours. The reason for it comes from the research.
Read aloud for five minutes
DifficultyRead something out loud for five minutes a day for a week. Poetry is best, and a news article will also work.
Why this helps: It is the only exercise here that trains the voice directly. It works on your breath, your pace and your sentence endings at the same time.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view. Actors and broadcasters do this as standard practice. We have no controlled evidence that it carries over to conversation.
Stop performing the last sentence
DifficultyWhen you finish speaking, stop. Do not add a small laugh, an “anyway”, or a summary of what you just said.
Why this helps: Your confidence leaks out in those extra words at the end. They are the easiest thing on this list to remove.
Our opinionRead our note ▾Hide ▴
This is our own view.
Sources cited in this topic
- 01Clark & Wells (1995). A Cognitive Model of Social Phobia. In Heimberg et al. (eds), Social Phobia: Diagnosis, Assessment and Treatment.
- 02Templeton, Chang, Reynolds, Cone LeBeaumont & Wheatley (2022). Fast Response Times Signal Social Connection in Conversation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 119(4).
- 03Schroeder & Epley (2015). The Sound of Intellect: Speech Reveals a Thoughtful Mind, Increasing a Job Candidate's Appeal. Psychological Science, 26(6).
- 04Rachman, Grüter-Andrew & Shafran (2000). Post-Event Processing in Social Anxiety. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 38(6).
Where an exercise is labelled our reading, no study backs it. We say so openly.
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